Julia's areolas

ugh.

juliaallison:

maybe it’s because I haven’t slept … or the long, delayed flight … or the cumulative weight of the last six years … or something, but I am 1) over the color pink and 2) over parties & small talk and 3) over putting myself out there.

This is slightly different than before, which was an emotional (almost hysterical) reaction. It goes deeper than that; it’s not a response to a particular post or blog or article. It’s just something that’s been building for a while - a very un-Julia weariness, an uncomfortable level of cynicism & apathy, and, most surprisingly, (sit down) an increasingly urgent desire for privacy.

Is this how hipsters are born? From the embittered carcasses of their once sweet, naive, enthusiastic, optimistic younger selves?

Or maybe this is why people take drugs?

Hmm.

I need to figure this out, and I don’t exactly know how. I just know I don’t like it, it doesn’t feel like me, and if this is what “maturity” is like, I don’t want any part of it.

I’ll say this, though. I won’t “crash & burn.” (Or if I do, I’ll pick myself back up.) I just need to shift my focus a bit. Publicity - especially self-oriented (often negative) internet publicity - is emotionally exhausting. I’m tired, and I’m really battle-scarred.

I hope sleep will solve this problem, as it is very inconvenient. For obvious reasons.

We just need some love and everything will be all right. Maybe a bit of a ruffian this time instead of the usual nerdy-techie. They always spend too much time on us because of how spectacular we look.